Wedding Etiquette Police

www.AbsoluteWeddingStore.com

Is it okay if we ask our guests to wear green to the wedding? It seems like a really cool way to make a statement about the environment.
We're all about saving the earth, but this request strikes us as more self-indulgent than sensible. It's tough enough for a wedding guest to pull together an appropriately fabulous outfit without having a color restriction - and, we might add, a color that's far from universally flattering - added to the mix. Instead, show your concern for the environment by using flowers grown locally, serving an organic menu and, in lieu of favors, making a donation to an eco-charity in honor of your guests.

When does the best man give his toast? Who else can give one?
Traditionally, the best man gives the first toast at the reception, but these days the maid of honor often makes a speech as well. As for timing, at a cocktail wedding reception, wait until everyone has a drink in hand before starting the toasts; at a seated meal, begin when everyone has taken a chair (and has a drink). The rehearsal dinner is more of a glass-clinking free-for-all, when anyone can stand up and tell sweet, sentimental, or funny anecdotes about the two of you.

At my friend's bridal shower, each woman was asked to write her name and address on a blank envelope, to help the bride with her thank-you notes. I love the idea, but my mom says it's tacky. Will guests be all right with this?
Nope - Mom wins this round. You wouldn't invite guests for a dinner party and ask them to stay to wash the dishes, would you? And while we're at it, we also give the thumbs-down to those preprinted thank-you notes on which guests fill in their name and gift, and all you do is stick on a stamp. Your friends and loved ones have taken the time to purchase a present and attend your shower, so the least you can do is send a handwritten note (and an envelope!). If the thought of writing 40 thank-you notes is overwhelming, divvy up the job into more manageable bits, like writing just five notes every night.

Can the maid of honor carry my one-year-old son down the aisle? We want him to be in the ceremony.
Carrying a baby isn't like carrying a bouquet. What will happen if he starts crying? She can't exactly rush back down the asile as you are about to make your entrance. A better idea: have someone who's not in your bridal party sit in the first row holding your son on her lap. Make an arrangement with your officiant to perform a family blessing during the ceremony - your MOH can bring him up for that.

My mom died when I was 12, and I want to include her name on the invitation. But my stepmom wnats it to say that I'm the daughter of "Mr. and Mrs. John Brady." How do I keep the peace with her while still respecting my mom's memory?
Only living relatives should be listed on your invitation - they're the ones doing the "inviting" for this occasion - so don't list your mother's name there. Print a tribute to her in your program instead. If you're planning an engagement or wedding announcement in the newspaper, though, it's perfectly acceptable to call yourself "the daughter of the late Barbara Brady." If you're rather not be listed as your stepmother's "daughter" on the invitation, use this phrasing, which still acknowledges her as a host: "Mr. and Mrs. John Brady/request the honour of your presence/at the marriage of Mr. Brady's daughter..."

We're on a tight budget. Do we need to invite my sister's boyfriend to the rehearsal dinn? They've been together only three months.
The significant other of every person attending the rehearsal - spouse, fiance, and anyone in a serious relationship - should be invited to the dinner. There's no hard-and-fast rule regarding length of the relationship, but if your sister considers herself part of a couple, her man should get the green light and be invited.

Do I have to serve dinner to the photographer and DJ at the reception?
Yes, but it doesn't have to be the same meal you serve your guests. Most catereres have less-expensive options for vendor meals. If your venue hosts a lot of weddings, there's probably already a designated spot (most likely a room that's separate from the reception) where they can relax and take a break.

My cousin wants to wear his military dress uniform to the wedding. I'm proud of him, but I'm worried he'll cause too much of a distraction. Am being self-centered?
As long as he's in the service and entitled to wear the uniform, it's fine. He'll probably receive more attention than if he were wearing a business suit, but if you're worried about his taking the focus off you and your fiance, don't be. Nothing can eclipse the bride and groom.

My mom's friends want to throw me a shower in my hometow. (I live two hours away now.) The trouble is, we're keeping our wedding very small, and I wasn't planning to invite any of them. It all seems kind of awkward.
Sounds like you're aware of the rule that everyone invited to a bridal shower is also asked to the wedding. But are you sure your mom hasn't already told them you're having a small wedding? If she did, and they still insist on throwing you a shower, you should graciously accept. If they don't know your plans, have your mom pass along the message that you'd love to do something more casual with them, like meet up for brunch at a local restaurant.

Do we need to wait until thank-you notes are sent to our guests before depositing their checks?
No. Deposit the checks as soon as possible. If you're leaving for your honeymoon the next day and won't have time to go to the bank, ask a trusted friend or family member to make the deposits. As with all wedding presents, it's best not ot delay sending thank-you notes. Put this job at the top of your to-do list for when you return from your honeymoon.

I'm getting married in two weeks, and I just bumped into a distant cousin whom I really like, but had completely forgotten to invite to the wedding. The invites have already gone out, but is it acceptable to still send her one? Do I need to explain?
Put an invitation in the mail, omit the reply card (since the "reply by" date has most likely passed), and follow up with a phone call. You don't have to say that you "forgot", just tell her that you were so happy to reconnect with her and that you'd love to see her at the wedding if she's free.

We're not Jewish, but we love the significance and look of a huppah. Can we still use one at the wedding ceremony?
Just call it a canopy instead of a huppah, and of course you can have one. Wedding canopies are especially popular for outdoor ceremonies, where they can help define the altar area. According to Jewish wedding custom, four attendants hold or stand by the poles, and a prayer shawl is draped over the top. Obviously, you'd omit these specific elements, but feel free to get creative with other wedding details and embellishments.